I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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