Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
