I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
