I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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