For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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