I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
