We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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