This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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