i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize