I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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