Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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