fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
