plz talk dirty to me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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