he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
