How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
