So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
