it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize