He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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