Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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