Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
