i need an iv and a liver transplant
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize