Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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