Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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