Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
