apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
