The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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