eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
