He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
