You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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