hotel room ftw
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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