All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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