About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
