there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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