he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
