Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
