but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
