it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
