I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
