Porn is love you can see.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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