half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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