my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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