My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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