no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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