but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize