Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
