I am puke
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
