Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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