She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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