We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
