Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
