Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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