she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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