why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
