he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
