the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
