Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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