I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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