I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
