I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
