it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
