If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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