honey bunches of taint.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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