Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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