I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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