My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
