I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
