So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize