I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize