he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
