I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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