The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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