Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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