ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize