no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
