I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
