why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am naked and annoyed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
