Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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