i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
