You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
