How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
