Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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