just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
