Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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