I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
COCAINE IS GR8
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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