Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
