Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
