Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
