I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize